I just saw a hot homeless man
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
