Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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