my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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