i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
