your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
