Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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