Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
