your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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