all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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