Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize