ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
