hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
