Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
