I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
