I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
