haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize