We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
