my shit smells like andre
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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