Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
