Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
