WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
