Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
