We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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