so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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