Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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