We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
