Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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