I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
