I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
