walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
