Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
