Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
