Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize