1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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