it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
