You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize