another moral hangover. fuck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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