I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
