So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
