You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
