The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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