I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
