This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
