wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
