How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
