farters have to be the big spoon...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
