In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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