i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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