I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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