I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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