I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
