One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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