we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
