I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
