He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
