Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You smell like stripper and shame
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this just has baby written all over it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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