Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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