2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize