Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
