I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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