Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
