I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
