i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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