If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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