Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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