i don't like sucking hair
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
