apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
