I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
