I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
