He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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