her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
