Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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