paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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