Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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