She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
