it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
