He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
